The Bucket List of 'Kinda Alright'..

I figured that given the nature of my last post, I should maybe pair it up with a more positive post.. Partly due to the fact that it's my birthday today and I'm feeling slightly more positive than usual (Today I'd only consider slapping the people that annoy me, whereas normally I'd probably go for the throat), but also because of a small chat with a friend of mine, Mr Lewis Cubbin, who pointed out that contrary to a lot of my posts, in person I'm much less of a cynical arsehole, I might even go as far as saying I can be a right peppy little spitfuck at times..

So I decided to write a list of some of the things that I love or enjoy, though it may be considerably smaller..
This might not be as entertaining to read as it seems we all like a lot of the same stuff..

1- Having someone new to completely get to know you (friend/romantic interest)
2- Biting into the really thickly spread part of a peanut butter butty!
3- A nicely ground cup of real coffee. Anytime, anwhere. Phwoar!












4- Reading the manual for a new game on the train home after buying it..
5- The tense moment before opening a birthday card, and the relief when finding some fat 'dolla' in there..
6- The shivers I got out of sheer excitement as a child on Christmas morning..
7- The carefree demeanor I have when I go out without having to carry a fricken' bag.
8- Barack Obama.. The man is just a pure hero.
9- The fact that David Cameron's wife probably pictures Obama during sex..
10- Red Velvet cake at McGuffie's in Liverpool (Credit to Keziah Hodgson)
11- Every single one of Lee Evan's faces..
12- The fit of laughter that overwhelms me on roller coasters!
13- Wearing a suit and feeling like a fucking top bloke.
14- Drinking a nice big pint of real ale (Guinness, Newcastle Brown, Hobgoblin, Spitfire etc..)
15- Sipping some lovely whiskey (Jack Daniels, Glenfiddich, Glenmorangie etc..)
16- Wearing a suit, drinking real ale and holding a glass of whiskey, culminating in feeling like the ultimate sir.
17- Enthusiasm from people, especially in conversation.
18- History. It's never going to change and I can always retreat into it.
19- Imagining winning the lottery!
20- Chandler Bing's reactions and dances.
21- Ross Geller's faces.
22- Drumming on stage!


















23- Krakow, Poland. Absolutely beautiful city.
24- Lord of the Rings! Best thing ever.
25- Introducing people to the Dropkick Murphy's..
26- Making people laugh, especially Emily Jenkins for some reason.
27- Being in places where I can actually pull off saying "the usual please, mate."
28- Looking forward to the late 30s, early 40s age where I can say "on the rocks" and not be laughed at.
29- The fact that 4 of my 5 closest friends at the moment are ginger.. (Jay M, Vinny T, Lizzie O'r & Sam R)
30- The moment I introduced an anti-video game friend to Skyrim.
31- The way my 3 main bands names increased in maturity.. (As In Stories - The Palatines - Atlantis)
32- The smell of the roses in Port Sunlight (Ooer, soppy! But they actually smell of perfumes!)
33- My family's obscenely vulgar, black humour.
34- My Nan and Grandad's kitchen/backroom - The cultural heartland of the family.
35- The way my Grandad is known is "Gagag" or "Gags" since we were all little bambino's.
36- Counting change in my hand and discovering more pound coins than I expected..









37- Julie Andrews
38- The fact that Amy Brant still has a farmers accent, in spite of heavy denial.
39- My fathers huggable belly.
40- Falling over on an ice rink..
41- How much film trailers get me excited.
42- The adverts before a film in the cinema.. why?!
43- Finding that gem of a book that gets you hooked after searching for so long..
44- The feeling when I look at a finished piece of writing.
45- The way my Guinea Pig squeaks whenever he hears the fridge open, awaiting his celery fix..
46- The smell of any and all museums..
47- The snail pace at which my dad walks around museums, reading EVERY word. (used to hate it..)
48- Coming from a family of born and bred bikers and rockers!
49- The happy surprise when my quick judgment of a person is completely wrong.
50- People viewing my blog ;)

I only had the energy to come up with 50, so I really am a moody twat. One rather hard thing, though, is coming up with things that not EVERYONE likes.. so rest assured, I'm sure I like and love a lot of other things.
There are plenty of standard things that are immeasurably important to me, such as friendship, and also the traits inside that friendship, such as loyalty, concern, support and faith. I love romance, passion, the potential for life, the occasional adventurous/daring streaks I



get, the comfortable routine streaks I have, a damn good munch, sleeping.. and most other things that go without saying.

I'm not as happy/proud of this post as I have been with the others, maybe because I have put less effort in? Or genuinely because I think writing about positive things is far more boring..?

Oh well!

Jack

This will be my face if people stop viewing my blog, just like when I get home to no notifications..

Bucket List of Hate

Making lists is good.. I've also heard it can be healthy.. Just yesterday I made a few lists.. I love collecting things you see and I will always buy a lighter from any new place I go.. I will always pocket any foreign currency, coins or notes, and bring them home.. and yesterday I made a huge list of the 2 main things I want to collect.. Movie Memorabilia and World War 2 Militaria, specifically Medals.. It really is coming to light how much of a boring old fart I am isn't it?

This following list isn't gonna make me seem any younger or any kinder either..

But the blog is called Grumpy Young Twat isn't it? 

This is a list of 100 things that piss me right off.. in no particular order..

1- So called 'blokes' that hit women.. I have plenty of punches left for any more I see.

2- The fucking wind.. I get sick to death of the wind trying to carry my hair away.

3- People that wear sweatpants in places other than home or the gym.. 

4- People that shove their hands down their sweatpants in public.. I'll rip your little twinkie off next time.

5- People that walk like they are holding two bags of bricks, sporting the 'hard man' face.

6- People that watch, and enjoy, TOWIE.

7- People.

8- Novels about child abuse and domestic abuse.

9- The fact that my Mother reads novels about child adbuse.

10- Kim Jong Un's dress sense. 

11- Kim Jong Un's hairstyle. It often looks like a book that has been opened to the middle.

12- Gordon Brown's rebellious lower lip.

13- Frankie Boyle's sense of self-righteousness. (He does still make me laugh, however)

14- The fact that it is often windier in underground stations than it is on the surface world.

15- Primark underwear.

16- Hipsters.

17- Culturally intolerant people.

18- The Welsh.

19- Bad jokes ^

20- Rich people (if I'm poor)

21- Poor people (if I'm rich)

22- When Native American's are called Indian's

23- Jack Nicholson's hairline (love Jack Nicholson though)

24- Julianne Moore's yoga toes. (Credit to Rachael Toohey)

25- Light rain.. It has to be heavy rain, or no rain. Can't be doin' with it 'spitting'..

26- Having the need to readjust myself when surrounded by attractive females.

27- Moths. I. Fucking. Hate. Moths. 

28- The fact that my younger brother is one of those trolling little shit's on CoD. (I love him to bits though)

29- Waking up in the winter. (Fucking love everything else about winter though.)

30- The speed at which people walk up and down Bold Street. (Liverpool)

31- The fact that the sweetie aisle in Home Bargains is the aisle everybody queues down.

32- People that call it Home & Bargains.

33- Shops that don't sell Mango Rubicon. Love Mango Rubicon.

34- People that say LOTR is 'shit'. It's okay not to like it, but calling such a masterpiece shit is ignorant.

35- When my wallet is empty.

36- The fact that my cat has become immune to me tickling his paw pads.

37- Hypochondriac's. 

38-  The fact that I always forget where I last carved my name into Thurstaston Rock..

39- When the Spaghetti Bolognese goes cold in the middle of being eaten.

40- Most things ending in 'ist'.. Specifically extremist's and stubborn feminists.

41- Too much small talk.

42- Slipping in dog shit. Stepping in it doesn't bother me, it's the slipping that drives me crazy.

43- The apparent obsession with 'Z-List' celebrities.

44- Everything about the Kardashians, there is no reason whatsoever for them to be so popular.

45- Having to fork out my hard earned change to use the loo in public.

46- People who complain about their weight, but don't try to help themselves.

47- Slow walkers.

48- Slow walkers that zig zag, preventing a way past them.

49- How fucking much young people drink.. it's bloody ridiculous.

50- Clammy weather.

51- People who hate public displays of affection. Calm the fuck down, their not shagging!

52- People who are naturally blunt and short via text and Facebook.. I get so offended..

53- When the cashier puts my change on top of the receipt, they all fucking do it!

54- When people think you are crying and you actually do have shit in your eyes.

55- The god awful head tilt in girls pictures. It actually looks fucking stupid, get a new pose!

56- People who like their own statuses on Facebook.  

57- The majority of Facebook.

58- Glory seekers and drama queens.

59- When the word 'lid' is used to refer to someone.. 

60- When I turn into a prune after being in the shower/bath too long.

61- People who don't look after their feet.. toenails people!

62- The fact that my bellybutton is both an outie and an inie..

63- People who call me a car bomber for being Irish.

64- Fake Irish people on St. Patricks day.

65- Being in love with the city but also the countryside!

66- The fact that I can't ever have a pet Orangutan.. less of a pet, more a friend.

67- The fact that Jim Carrey will have to die at some point..

68- Anybody who calls me. For a split second I detest them for making me jump.

69- How much a person can change! (for the worse)

70- The general shape of cows. They are cubical. What the fuck.

71- The fact that American Squirrels killed off our much better looking Squirrel.

72- People that slate me for liking Adam Sandler, fuck you guys, he makes me laugh.

73- Extremely highly opinionated people - especially if they are aggressive about it.

74- Ever being reliant on people. Don't much like it.

75- Politics and Religion. (for the most part, I do respect and admire religion mostly) 

76- 99% of Reality TV shows.

77- Olive green bathrooms. Yeuk.

78- Thorns on winter mornings..

79- How actually hard it is to fake laugh.

80- How much I actually need to employ my fake laugh.

81- Cars that are a mix between Fast and Furious and the Hills Have Eyes..

82- People that don't know what Auschwitz is. 

83- Having a hole in my shoe and knowing it will be a small while before I can replace them..

84- People that put don't return any of the effort you put into them..

85- MC music.. I appreciate the skill in talking very fast. But it sounds terrible.

86- The weird elbow thumb that dogs have..

87- That one friend who just makes you feel drunk when you think of them.

88- Eggs.

89- Drinking milk on it's own in other peoples houses..

90- When you make a pizza and the underside is soggy for some reason!

91- Anybody that has tunnel vision.

92- When other people come up with awesome lines that, if given time, I would've come up with!

93- People that claim to be drummers, but don't use their wrists when playing the drums.

94- Having my glasses become invalid when it rains.

95- Having my glasses steam up when I come into warmth from the outside.

96- The fact that everywhere seems to be uphill..

97- When I need to click my back, but can't manage to!

98- Getting so close to the end and struggling to think of 2 more uncommon things I hate.

99- Kristen Stewart's face throughout all Twilight movies.

100- When you lose your phone under the covers..

Well, there we have it. Some unusual ones on there I'm sure, but that's just who I am!

If you are actually reading this and you made it through the list, then I love you and appreciate you

putting in a bit of time to look at something I worked hard on!

But as usual,

Piss off.

Jack

My Mersey Paradise..

I wonder how many of you actually appreciate and/or realise the status of where you live? 

(for those who live in and around Merseyside)

(So I don't have to cut back later, I will be referring to both Liverpool and the Wirral.)

(Anyone hating history, scroll down to the <<>> to read about modern celebs)

 I certainly don't appreciate it.. and then like a wave it'll hit me! It's happened a few times, when I've heard a story or accidentally looked into something. The sheer amount of stuff that has happened around here is actually quite astounding.. Yes the Beatles, but it appears that is just the tip of the scouse-berg.

I think I'll start from an earlier date.. 1715.. the year the first dock in Liverpool was built. Thanks to this helpful economic addition, the rest of Liverpool's future at that time was funded by the one and only Slave Trade, bit awkward.. It is good to know, however, that many prominent scousers at that point were at the forefront of abolishing the Slave Trade..

Fast forward a bit, at the beginning of the 19th century, and we were seeing a huge 40% of the entire worlds trade passing through Liverpool, fair do's, and then in 1830 the worlds first intercity railway was built between Liverpool and Manchester. Again, fair do's.

White Star Line HQ

A major thing that interests me is Liverpool's involvement with the Titanic. The ship was originally supposed to pass through on her maiden voyage, but the plan was cancelled at the last minute and I can't seem to find out why.. Bruce Ismay, one of the men behind the ship's creation (the twat with the moustache who jumps in the lifeboat in the film), lived in Liverpool and had a mansion in Thurstaston on the Wirral, and continued to live there until after the First World War.. White Star Line's head offices were in the city centre as well, right next door to James Street Station and is still there, but virtually unused, something which really pisses me off, a building with that much history is just sitting there! As can probably be guessed, a large portion of the crew were from Liverpool and surrounding areas, including the lookout who spotted the iceberg, and finally, the ships bell and all of her 900 portholes were made in St Helens, very cool.. 

Fast forward a little bit to the Second World War and Liverpool was indeed a key feature.. during this time we see our beloved city suffer 80 air raids, killing over 2,000 people and wiping out more than 70% of housing. Birkenhead and Wallasey on the Wirral also suffered, with the deaths numbering in the hundreds..

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As will probably be known, the Wirral and Liverpool is and has been home to a number of celebrities, but I won't be mentioning a lot of them.. Before I mention the obvious ones, I'd like to delve into some others. April Astley comes to mind, an amazing woman who underwent sexual reassignment surgery, and was not officially recognised as a woman for most of her life. There's Derek Acorah.. moving on.. Rick Astley.. That's right, the Rick Rolling started right here.. Pete Burns is from Port Sunlight.. The awesome twat that started Hornby toys (Frank Hornby) hails from these parts.. Y'know what, there is just far too many to list and I don't want to undersell anybody or miss out crucial people whilst listing relatively generic celebrities. Look it up yourself! 

Filmed on the Liverpool Docks

Talking mainly about Liverpool here, it's quite a nice surprise to know how much Liverpool is featured on TV and in Films, either as itself or standing in to replicate New York or Dublin and other such places.. We have the 51st State with Robert Carlyle and Samuel L. Jackson, Nowhere Boy about John Lennon, and of course the wonderful film Shirley Valentine! 

G'wed Ladbrokes..

Those three examples were both set in and shot in Liverpool. The following were shot in Liverpool, but set somewhere else.. Alfie, Captain America, The Dark Knight, The Deathly Hallows and Fast and Furious.

A little bit less prestigious but still interesting is that Natwest, Ladbrokes, Hovis, Coca Cola and Foxy Bingo have all filmed adverts in Liverpool.. winning.

There we are..we learned, we laughed and we loved, now piss off.

Jack 

Recognise? Liverpool Central with the John Lewis building in the background..

Sample of My Photography Work..

Wear Your Hat... Or Wear My Fist..

I am not a violent person, as I'm sure anybody who know's me would deduce, I don't get into fights, I don't needlessly kick off on people, none of that shit (unless it is completely necessary of course), but like most people, I have knocked seven shades of  shit out of plenty of wankers on the street.. in my mind.

One particular type of very specific arsehole I have enjoyed mentally castrating is the douchebag that 'perches' his hat on his head, or just 'plonks' his beanie on, leaving it standing like a sail in the wind.. and what makes these people worse is the face they pull in pictures whilst sporting this ridiculous look - the raised eyebrows, forehead lines and slight pout - they actually look like they are squeezing their last bit of shit out and waiting for the 'plop' sound, but somehow they seem to think it looks good..

What the absolute fuck is with these people?!
Again, for anybody who knows me then the following is common knowledge, I always wear a hat, even at home, with no specific reason for it other than not wanting my hair to blow around like a mad fucker in the wind, so I could possibly class myself as a veteran of cranial attire, and when I wear a hat, it has to feel tight and snug, as I'm sure most people agree.. Not balancing on top of your enlarged cows lick fringe! It's become less a hateful rant to stupid looking fools and slightly more about a concerned question of comfort.. how does it feel comfortable?!

I actually remember as a child laughing at elderly people that perched beanie's on their heads, thinking it looked a bit silly.. yes I was a horrible child, but other children did it to, to only end up doing it themselves for the sake of 'fashion'..

The one face that has stuck in my mind as a perfect example of this profoundly idiotic look has been Justin Bieber's.. I'm not going to say a single word about the Canadian atrocity that calls itself a singer, otherwise I will end up with several blood clots in my brain from frustration, but this twat is a perfect example, and anybody looking like him is no doubt just as much of a disgrace to humanity as he is..


Other things I have noticed that are generally associated with this style that are also just as foolish looking are things such as pants that reach just above the socks and Christmas jumpers in June..

If you are trying to be so away from 'mainstream' stuff, then just stop breathing? That's a pretty mainstream thing I'd say, I'd actively support you all if you decided to be that hipster..

I'm such a bell end.

Jack

Note* - Being the hypocritical bastard that I am, I do have to say that a few of my friends are hipsters and they are exempt from my hatred. But everyone else can go die.

A Small Mosaic of My Faces.. More to Come!

Me when I see the majority of people that go to town..

My face after about 60% of social interactions..

My face during about 40% of social interactions..

What I feel like doing when idiots talk..

My distasteful reaction to Nicki Minaj..

My general reaction when travelling and I overhear fools talking.

My face when people tell me I'm obnoxious..

The face I do an awful lot..

My face when a hipster sits near me..

The Romance of Knee Touching

3 topics in one evening, I probably do need therapy.

The other day, yesterday in fact (Wed 20th), I was witness to a rather strange form of decision making, something which when looked for, is actually found everywhere..

Yesterday, when I was at Liverpool Central Station at around half 4, a bit shy of the rush hour but still full of the other lucky buggers that managed to get off early, the Ellesmere Port train was suddenly cancelled, which was then followed by a member of staff with a voice much louder than her short stature would lead one to believe yelling down the platform "Everybody wishing to travel towards Ellesmere Port please board the Chester train and depart the train at Hooton station!!"

So now, standing on a crowded platform, with an inconveniently large urge to readjust myself, I was thrilled to hear the train would now be doubly packed, which would not only make the homeward journey uncomfortable and clammy at best, but also that I wouldn't get a chance to subtly readjust my jack in the box until I got off..

Anyway, the scene is now set. What I noticed on that dreadful train journey was the strange choice a particular man made. The small clearing by the doors in each carriage was like a tin of sardines as you can imagine.. and I saw a slightly lanky and pasty fella ignore an empty seat, clearly for the fact that his thighs and knees would be too close to the people next to and in front of him (made clear by his attempt to sit down, and then his hasty change of mind).
 In place of this, he was stood up, sandwiched between an overweight cyclist and a red faced business man, with no more than an inch between arse and pecker both ends, with the trains gentle motions forcing the former and latter into a sort of involuntary tango.. Why didn't he just go for the softcore knee touching in place of the little x-rated dance he then found himself in.. The lengths people will go to in order to avoid interaction with the rest of the world..

This man unfortunately ended up with the opposite of his intentions. But for all we know, he might have enjoyed it and in that case, good for him for swindling himself a cheeky free lapdance!

Humanity is either full of isolated strangers or devilishly clever homosexuals..

Jack

You Look Like a 'Stupid Hoe'

Hello again dick'eds.
A topic that has been bugging me for a while, and the reasons for which I have no idea, is the way a huge amount of girls are dressing/looking like these days..

I'm not writing this to pass judgment, I'm just highlighted my incredible distaste for the amount of Nicki Minaj look alike's there seems to be, a thing which I think is unfathomably unbelievable to have gained popularity..

Skirts that reach just below the line of the arse cheek, eyelashes that resemble a mix between cocker spaniel tails and seal whiskers, make-up that could be replicated by rubbing the dregs of a wotsit bag on your face - these are all things that I just do not understand.. and wet look leggings? How does any woman think they look nice? More to the point, how does any bloke find that attractive? The people I've seen wearing them look like a sci-fi character created in the 70s!

I don't know how much they are linked or if there is in fact any relevance between them, but this is why I also can't stand that the likes of Nicki Minaj are role models for people! She is like someone off Total Recall and I can't see any attractive qualities in her, and the same can be said for all her doppelgangers walking around the markets looking to buy another pair of glittery slippers to wear to the local nightclub.

As should be known, this isn't the case for all women, probably not even a large portion, but it still pulls the Clint Eastwood face out of me. This little article could quite possible earn me a hail of disapproval from people reading, but this is just what I think.. The bottom line is, a lot of girls that dress like this look like slightly tidied up clowns, with a lot less class.

Funny thing is, knowing my luck, after writing this I'll probably meet a Minaj lover who'll turn out to be the girl that I marry and I'll have to take back everything I said.

Jack

The Grumpy Twat's Lament - Introduction.

Hello all..

Never had experience of blogging, but I often find the need to rant about this, that or the other, and what better way to fulfill that need than ranting to all you peppy spitfucks?. Just writing my rants down in word documents would be slightly pointless and could possibly even seem like personal therapy.. There's nothing wrong with me, I just hate everything. 

What this could be moderately compared to is that Family Guy episode where Peter Griffin hosts a part on the news called "Grinds My Gears", although the things that tend to grind my gears are things associated with today's society and are less the little inconveniences in life. I am probably going to be a right hypocritical and judgmental prick at times, but I think it's impossible to be completely absent from those qualities - 

and that is one thing I definitely hate..

People who jump in at the sound of quick judgement and rave that it's not the way to be, they take the morale high ground as if they have never passed judgement in their lives and sit their with a subtle air of self-righteousness. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't really appropriate to be judgmental, such as assuming all Muslims have extremist views just because of a few bad apples, or assuming all Christians are preaching arseholes because of the Westboro Baptist Church, but if I saw a small group of hooded 13 year old lads in a park on a council estate, I would immediately think they were up to no good and possibly even go as far as assuming that they weren't the best in school and they aren't going particularly far in life.. 

Now I know that isn't exactly the right way of thinking, but who hasn't thought that in a similar situation at some point or other? It's a brief evaluation using the immediate situation presented to us and general knowledge of similar situations we know of? The bloke on the council estate on JSA that wears a tracksuit and drinks Skol beer all day probably didn't do well in school, and I'll bet he hung around gettin' up to no good when he was younger.. And to back my own arse on this one, that's not me saying that all persons fitting the description of the 13 year old's will turn out like that.. Anyway, that's why we pass minor judgement like that, and it's human friggin' nature. I say 'minor judgment' because those thoughts aren't directly affecting anybody, therefore it's nothing we should feel guilty about, and is definitely not something that should be used as ammunition by high brow fuckwits.

It seems my first rant is over, and it felt rather good.

Now fuck off.

Jack..